You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
