I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
