saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
