You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
