i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
