On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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