She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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