Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
