Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
