Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You don't make any sense
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