I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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