Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
