if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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