He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize