Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
