ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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