she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
