ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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