That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
