Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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