I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
