Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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