are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
