I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
