Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
