He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize