I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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