I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize