did you get engaged???
Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
