Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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