someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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