I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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