She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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