what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
