Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
