Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
