I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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