So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
