Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
