oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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