The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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