oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
