apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
