Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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