i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
