So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
