What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
