you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize