Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
