There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
