the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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