I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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