I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
