And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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