i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
