He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
