apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
