we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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