My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
