my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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