just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
