just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
