her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
