I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
