We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
