just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
