your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
