What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
