That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
