finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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