True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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