If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Everything about him screamed your future.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
