I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
