he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
