so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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