Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
