I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
