Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
